Gera and Tin Tin….writing.
Last year, my novelist friend, Leslie Schwartz, and I managed to rope ourselves into heading up an unusual endeavor called the Homeboy Stories Project. It wasn’t a totally fly-by-night idea. The project was sponsored of PEN USA (where I’m on the board of directors, and she’s the president) and Homeboy Industries, and was funded primarily by a grant from the California Council for the Humanities as part of their “California Stories Initiative.”
Our intention was to gather together some young, at-risk gang wannabes plus some older former gang members—drawing primarily from the group that worked with and/or hung around at Homeboy Industries. It was our hope to teach them that their voices were worth something. We figured we’d do this by introducing them to the art of creative writing during a 14-week class, in the course of which we would also help the youngsters collect the veteranos’ “oral histories” on digital recorders. Our plan was to then transform all of the above into a snazzy printed anthology that would be presented in several public readings/receptions, with the homeboys and homegirls doing the reading. One event would be on the east side of town. The other on the west side.
Well, we have the anthology, and I can honestly say it’s a wonderful document. The east side reading is this coming Saturday night, July 14, 6:30 pm at Utah Street Elementary School. The second reading is next Wednesday, July 18, 6:30 pm at Crossroads High School. [details below the jump]
But, other than those three facts, very little else went as planned.
For one thing, class attendance was sometimes disrupted by the fact that several of our writers got beat up, arrested and, in one case, shot.
(Thankfully, he survived.)
And for another thing, Leslie and I didn’t entirely know what we were doing. We both teach writing, but had never taught a class quite like this one filled with people so wounded, so enraged, so accustomed to have their voices ignored.
(Whatever else their problems, none of the kids in my journalism classes at UC Irvine have ever gotten themselves arrested or shot, at least not during the quarters I had them.)
Yet, what the homeboys (and homegirls) did do-–what they consistently did, once they got past their fears—is write. Sometimes the writing was halting and grammar-challenged,. Other times, it was mostly a diatribe. Yet frequently the writing was eloquent. Nearly always, it was breathtakingly brave. And the fact that they came back week after week, and were willing to work hard to find their individual voices…. was a revelation.
When they began to interview each other, the revelations expanded exponentially as they gradually came to understand that they each had something to say, and that somebody outside their immediate circle might—just might—think was it was worth hearing.
One more thing: although we originally planned that the younger kids would be the ones trained in the writing class, and the former gang members would be the ones who were interviewed—that’s not how it worked at all. Everybody wanted to write, and everyone wanted to both interview and be interviewed. Looking back, of course, I realize that our view was stupidly limited, and the homeboys and homegirls had it exactly right.
We also were forced to concede early on that the class would be a fluid thing, with some people absent at times for a variety of reasons, like the ones I mentioned above, and new people pleading to be added each week. (Having constant newcomers meant things were chaotic. But how could one say no? Answer: One couldn’t.)
So we rolled with it the best we could, and occasionally we complained about all the time it took away from our mortgage-paying gigs. But, both of our lives became a zillion times richer because of this project. As is often the case with such relationships, the teachers were the ones who most truly got taught.
So come if you can to hear these brave and amazing writers read, and then stay for the reception afterward. Here are the details:
HOMEBOY STORIES PROJECT – readings and reception
July 14th 6:30 PM @ Utah Street Elementary School
255 Gabriel Garcia Marquez, LA, CA 90033
July 18th 6:30 PM@ Crossroads School,
Roth Hall, Trives Administration Building
1714 Twenty First St., SM, CA 90404
*******************************************************
And here are three of the poems, plus a few tiny shards of the oral histories, just to give you a preview:
Who I Really Am
By Serena Fuentes
I’m a nice person
but I need to learn how to let go
of everything that has happened to me
from when I was young.
No one will ever know
what I’ve been through
they just think that I’m an unhappy person
now I know that I need to love myself
in order to love another I need
to forgive or forget
I’m trying to do this on my own
it’s hard but I’ve not only realized it
but others have too.
I’m a mean person and very hatefully so
All I can say is to forgive or forget.
How I was raisedIt should have made me stronger
but it didn’t.
Death, childhood abuse, neglect and various forms of violence were repeating themes in the both the poetry and the oral histories—for understandable reasons. For instance, Serena was born in prison, because her gangster mother got herself locked up after she got pregnant.
And I don’t think there was one of the older guys who hadn’t been shot at. In, many cases, the shots hit—with life changing consequences. Joe Aleman was shot in the head several times, including just above his left eye, and was given up for dead until paramedics saw his fingers twitch. Augustine (Tin-Tin) saw his hand, quite literary, blown to pieces. An “enemy” homeboy’s bullet paralyzed Gerardo (Gera) from the waist down.
Hector:
Were you in the gangster crowd?
Serena:
Yeah, basically.
Hector:
Where were your parents at?
Serena:
Where were they at?
Hector:
Yeah, during your upbringing?
Serena:
Um, well, my dad left me at ten and I never saw him again
and at ten, that’s when I met my real mom.
Hector:
So you grew up with your father?
Serena:
And his wife, but I was in foster homes, so then when he,
when I went to go live with him he like got fed up with
me ‘cause I had a smart-ass mouth or whatever, I wouldn’t
listen so he gave me away to my mom and I didn’t know
her until I, the day that I met her which I was ten.
Hector:
How was your mom like?
Serena:
She was cool. She was all gangster….
Like Joe, Tin Tin and Gera, who are talking to each other below (and who are pictured above), both came of age during the late 1980’s and early 1990’s when gang violence in Los Angeles was at its most catastrophic. By the way, despite the bleakness of the clips I’ve posted here, both men are soulful and witty, and had me laughing during many of the classes.
Cold October
By Augustin Lizama
I was 12 years old
It was a cold October day
of 1991
There I was;
A young innocent child talking
on the payphone to a really good friend.
I didn’t see it coming.
I wish every day of my life I would have.
I didn’t even hear it coming.
All I felt was fire roaring
through my left skinny hand
and a car swerving on my left
then rolling away through
the dark street.And then my skinny
little body hit
the dark street
with a
Loud
Painful
Burning
Scream
Coming out of my tiny little mouthThat’s when my ugly journey
Of gangs
Hurt
Pain
Anger
Deceit
Harming others
And Lies
All got started.
Gerardo:
Okay. What was your best moment
of your childhood?
Tin Tin:
My best moment of my childhood. I
can’t even remember one.
Gerardo:
Let’s go ahead and skip that one.
I’m going to let you think about that one. What was
the worst moment of your childhood?
Tin Tin:
I think it was when I was twelve
years old I got shot in my arm..
…Gerardo:
Have you ever lost any homies or have you
ever lost any family?
Tin Tin:
Um, I lost, I can’t even count how many
homies I lost. Let’s just put it like this, there was
thirty-six of us in a crowd and there’s two of us
left…
The next week, they had switched places, and Tin Tin was doing the interviewing:
Tin-tin:
What was the scariest thing that ever
happened to you?
Gera:
Being shot. Getting paralyzed and
getting close to death…..
…Tin-Tin:
Have you ever thought of forgiving
yourself and healing yourself towards all the
negative that has happened to you?
Gera: I’m working on it. I’m not going to
lie, I’m working on it. It’s hard. I’m working on it
and hopefully it’s not going to be too late.
I met Joe Aleman for the first time when he got out of prison after fourteen years, and came to Homeboy in, I think it was 2003. [He’s the one pictured here.] He’s smart, funny and a natural public speaker, and has a heart the size of Wyoming. But he carries a bigger load, emotionally, than most people I’ve ever met—in part because of his horrorshow childhood, but mostly because he saw his three-year-old shot and killed when the gangster/shooters were really aiming at him. In the time I’ve known Joe, most often he has carried that load with great grace. But there are moments when….let’s just say, he stumbles. (The harm he does, is only to himself.) Then he picks himself up again.
Only We Can Stop the Rain
By Joe Aleman
We all have a voice
We all have a choice
Nobody said growing up would be easy
So stop hiding behind that mask.
Wake up
and just look at all that we have done
We can fi nd no more room to run
Blanket me with your love,
And put down your gun
A world so cold,
Fuck can you hear all those groans
Not of pleasure only in pain
Remember only we can stop the rain.
In addition to the dark material, forgiveness, hope, love and healing were also consistent themes throughout the class members’ writing and interviewing. Particularly forgiveness.
Natalie:
Have you forgiven yourself?
Joe:
For some things I have, for some things I
haven’t.
Natalie:
Have you forgiven others?
Joe:
Yeah.
Natalie:
Do you believe in love?
Joe:
Yes.
Powerful stuff, Celeste (and Leslie), Gara, Tin Tin, Serena, Hector, Joe, and Natalie. My thanks to the co-authors of your post. Their willingness to allow their voices to be heard here takes courage. It also took courage for them to take part in your Homeboy Stories Project. There is nothing more frightening than to truly know the heart of another person. Listening to themselves, and each other, takes guts. And, putting it to paper… Well, that may be the gutsiest thing of all. Best wishes to all.
Ask them to join the WitnessLA blog. Their voices would be refreshing.
That’s a cool suggestion, Pokey. Leads me to another thought, which is whether the project merits a blog of its own? One more small thing for you to mentor, Celeste? 😉
Just thought I’d chime in here. In response to the project meriting a blog of its own – we are in the process of starting the Homeboy Press and, in fact, just sent off our first grant application. There will be a website, an online anthology, maybe a blog and a magazine for starters. It will be run by the homeboys and homegirls – my role is mainly to facilitate and help with grants, etc. Leslie
YAAAAY! Thanks for the update, Leslie. And, congratulations on the success of the project to date. Now, maybe Woody will cut Celeste a little slack when she doesn’t include spray painted pictures in her blog post headings. You two will be VERY busy when this gets off the ground. God, what am I saying? If you’re grant writing you’re beyond busy now. The Homeboys/girls are very lucky to have you both. I’m willing to bet they know that.
I’m with Woody on the pictues at the top of the blog. The customized pics are always better than reprinted AP photos.
What power from these young voices arises. This is the essence of habilitation and rehabilitation and what I strive for in my private practice working with youngsters and not-so-youngsters. My own poetry tends to the austere and sometimes scary pictures in the back of my head, but it keeps the demons at bay.
Evocation
Somewhere, in the fog, the sea brings forth a memory,
of friendships, of loves and laughter.
But, like the sea with fog hiding ships,
those memories are mixed, choppy and tossed.
My memory of youth has faded like that ship in the fog,
sharp and clear at first, gradually fading as distance
increases and the fog slowly, irresolutely but steadily
covers the vision until at last,
in the dark
it is
gone,
and
I
am
alone!
Whoa, GM. Uh, … stunning.
Your comment above doesn’t reflect it, but the spacing on your own website is evocative of the image I might see if a ship were sailing straight at me off the page.
Er, what was that again about a “knuclkedraggingneanderthalic conservative”? Mebbe, so. But, you’re one with soul.
Despite what my English teachers taught me, I always thought that poems should rhyme and mean exactly what they say-none of this symbolism business. My favorite was Eletelephony by Laura Richards, who never was in a gang. Anyway, good luck to these guys and good for you, Celeste for helping them.
LOTS… I think I have a new friend, now, If I can just get you over to the power of the dark…
Lovely, GM.
Thanks for sharing this, Celeste; it seems you and Leslie have accomplished a lot very quickly. Not all that long ago that I saw info about it on the PEN enewsletter (I’m a member, but wish to remain anon.). Have you applied for funding from our own city? Seems a lot more effective than the L. A. Bridges program, which some cops on on-the-street observers say amounts to essentially paying gangs to police themselves, a la warlords in Mogadishu. No wonder a few have been indicted.
Jim Carr, the new “gang tsar,” arrives with some questions in his wake: anyone know if it’s true that he believes in liberation theology, which says Jesus was a Marxist, and is controversial in many circles — the believe in an extreme form of Socialism/Marxism, redistributing property, etc. (?)
Speaking of expression issues: anyone else realize that the Daily News has just, in the last day or so, stopped allowing for reader comments? Wonder if it’s because some readers have been critical of the writers’ extreme negativity and tactics, as a tabloid way to increase readership. A couple of comments were odd, but most seemed very sincere. Maybe this blog can attain higher profile, but it seems you’re already doing the work of three people: writing, teaching, doing the Homeboys/girls project…
And I appreciate that your tone is sincere and truly interested in getting to the substance of the issue: so sad that that should be a novelty, where many writers (like on the D N this week, maybe s/t Steve Lopez) use their platform to be caustically cute, and cross over the line of objectivity. If they think all their subjects/victims are liars and crooks by definition just because they’re politicians (Mariel Garza, in her “Woman Scorned” piece), or pontificate from their rightwing ultra-Conservative Catholic POV that divorce is ALWAYS bad, and anyone who does it hurts his/her children, is “bad;” or figure that very old ladies and kids around a politician are “fair game” as both sources and victims themselves… It creates an environment in which ONLY the worst sort of egotist would become a politician, hence becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sorry to digress — and feedback would be useful in seeing if I’m all alone thinking like this. Congrats again, Celeste!
Hi Maggie,
Thanks for your kind words. Don’t know why the Daily News is shutting down comments. That’s too bad.
In terms of our program, it’s Leslie that’s spearheading the new phase of the program and she’s got some excellent grant proposals out there.
I am, however, going to be bringing commentary from high school and college students around the city into WitnessLA. That’s always been the planned Phase II, but I’m afraid I got so overwhelmed with Phase I, getting the blog up and running, that Phase II has been slow in coming. But we’re getting there and there’ll be great new additions this fall—including, but not limited to, links to the Homeboy project. So thanks for your enthusiasm.
About Jim Carr, the new gang czar, I’ve not met him yet, but I hear only good things. I wouldn’t worry too much about the specter of liberation theology. As it’s practiced here, it’s very, very far away from anything that smacks of Marxism. It mostly combines a strong interest in social justice, plus “preferential option for the poor,” in terms of one’s priestly calling, and the traditional structure of the comunidades de base, the so-called Christian “base communities”—essentially Gospel study groups in which Biblical interpretation and liturgical practice designed by lay practitioners themselves, rather than by the orthodox Church hierarchy. (Hey, I’m down for that.) For instance, the women of the Pico Aliso housing projects, who have become quite the political force in Boyle Heights, were originally organized and empowered around the base community structure. I happened to be around a lot during the years when it was going on and it was stupendous to watch. Poor women who, in many cases, had not graduated from elementary school, much less high school, began to understand that they could have an effect on their communities. But their activism came out of these little base community bible study groups in which they would literally ask WWJD?—and not in any B.S. way, because if you live in the projects that’s not a question for the faint of heart.
Now these same poor women are powerhouse moms and grandmas working to make the neighborhoods better and more livable for their kids and grand kids. I see them as heroes.
One more thing, Fr. Greg Boyle is, when you get down to it, pretty much a believer in Liberation Theology—but a Marxist he ain’t. (Jesus neither.) He’d be horrified by the notion.
Hope that helps.
Thanks for your clarifications on Jim Carr, though I wonder how this applies to kids who aren’t Christian; I know most African-Americans and Latinos are. And there probably aren’t a whole lot of Jews he will be working with (who of course, aren’t even allowed to say Jesus’ name if they’re Conservative which I think is a shame; everyone should be able to refer to his philosophies as they do the Buddha’s, Dalai Lama’s, etc.)
I didn’t know anything re: the Boyle Heights initiative, but CD14 is more in the news these days, with the relatively successful Boyle Heights vs. East L A proper (latter feeling most let-down in current affair, and also largest percentage of illegals w/ the conservative Catholic/macho mores and customs they bring from Mexico). Side Question: would it be better for them and rest of L. A., if they secede?
But I remain most interested in the basic issues of censorship in this case, of the Daily News, and how their writers apparently couldn’t take criticism, after dishing dirt on the Mayor and others as though they’re not human.
(As you well know, censorship is a fundamental concern of members of PEN.)
Contrast that with the slavish adoration of the Beckhams, the new “Big Story” they’re all jumping on, knocking each other out of the way to fawn on the Beckhams — who are so much less significant to society, with so much lowered standards of performance. Victoria/Posh is an airhead whose big dilemma in L. A. is, “where do I find a good manicurist,” and if Beckham doesn’t score a lot of points, well, so what. And these parents of three are being featured in a reality show in boudoir settings, decidely prurient. Does the fact they’re married make it okay to be such shallow media-whores?
More importantly, what does it say about the media itself, this double standard? People who go into “public service” usually do just that, often forsaking more money to do some good for society, even if some get turned by power, OR just get frustrated by the, well, politics of obstruction and are forced to become more gameplayers. This sort of vicious attack on people, not only AV, who are built up to be torn down like puppets, has lead to an almost overnight lowering of “journalistic” standards and society. Janitors, “angry Latinas” and conservative Catholics/evangelicals, doormen and jewelry salesmen, with the self-serving media leading the way, are all demanding to pry into bedrooms, making the kids and elderly and dead relatives and anyone “fair game.”
Tim Rutten was right-on in his take on this, the way in which Internet blogs (like the sleazy Mayor Sam) are leading supposedly mainstream journalists down into the gutters.
I personally know decent politicians who are reacting by just clamming up: wouldn’t you? We do NOT have a “right’ to this prying, because “they work for us.” We should elect people we think are capable of leading, and who share our views most closely, then let them do their work. If an elected official always blows with the wind, then THAT is a lack of integrity, something to worry about. Demanding puppets and people lacking dignity enough to LET every hoi- polloi into their bedrooms, and forcing them to bare every aspect of their lives (unless of course, there’s a potential ethical conflict) is what we should worry about.
The Puente Project which is sponsored by the UC-Regents have promoted these types of programs throughout California community colleges for numerous years. Thanks to these types of programs, I graduated from an UC and now work as a Probation Officer in LA County. Our writing program in East LA College started with approximately 30 students and ended with about 16 completing the required two semesters. Out of the 16, I believe the number was around 10 that completed a BA at any university or college level. Approximately 7 graduated from the UC system State schools. Sad but true, our class suffered 2 arrests and one death. Two of our classmates were even stealing our required books from the college bookstore. I still remember those two guys and when I think back 15-16 years ago or so, those two little gangsters weren’t that bad, just two good theives and the everyday tragic story of the lost youths in ELA gangs.
If someone knows or keeps in touch with that little lady from UC Berkeley Ms. Lem at ELA College. Tell her that “we” high school “rejects” are doing extremely well and a great thank you for believing in those that LAUSD and society gave up on.
I have my own story…..too.
Dan
Dan, that sounds like a terrific program. Great story!
I wish, wish, wish there were more programs like the Puente Project. I just went to the website and it really looks good. Thanks for your reflections.
I bet that Celeste didn’t close the italics html code on her comment #13 above, which makes everything below that italics, also.
Yep. Just fixed it. Thanks.
How did the event go Saturday night?
Thanks for asking, Woody. It went great. I’m just now trying to download pictures from the event. The poetry went on and on, and nobody wanted to leave. In most other instances, if a poetry event goes much over and hour, everyone in the audience is starting to fidget because they’re…well…bored. But not last night. It was riveting.
I’ll post about it a bit later (when I can get my new laptop and [mutter, mumble, hiss] Vista, to cooperate.)
[…] second reading is this Wednesday night. For details see below, and for backstory on the project, click here] The evening—which consisted of ten homeboy and homegirl poets reading their work—went […]
Celeste and Leslie,
Thank you for making these readings accessible on-line. I would have attended one of the events if I had known about them. I applaud the participants for being willing to share their stories. Are there plans to have more readings in the near future?
Thank you Gerardo, Joe, Augustin, Serena, Hector and Natalie. I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone.
Sharon
[…] of the three to speak was Augustine—a bright, gentle man who’d been one of the stars of the poetry project I wrote about earlier. (Actually all three were involved, in one way or another, with the poetry […]
Hi Celese & Leslie I Was messing with internet and I came across this beautiful page thank you guys so much for walking into my life I was almost in tears looking at these stories again I am very flattered & Rich to know the both of you thank you for the support we so much needed I love you guys God Bless Always. Sincerely with all my love,TinTin
[…] USA/Homeboy Industries-sponsored Homeboy Stories Project that I originally posted about here and here last […]