City Government Media

Rocky in the Driver’s Seat

Rocky, steal this page from a California Department of Insurance report for a winning campaign strategy

Dear Rocky:

I hate to say it, but it’s time for you to call in Michael Sitrick. He’s expensive, but without peer when it comes to taming the media monsters who would devour your last trace of integrity and knock over your mountains of ambition. Just ask pedophile protector Roger Mahony and newspaper-owner wannabe Ron Burkle, if you want to check references.

Or maybe I can save you his $450-an-hour fee. For starters, come out swinging. Take on those smug licensed and insured drivers in the media. Tell them you’re Rocky Delgadillo, the champion of the little guy. Tell them you’re courting a new constituency: L.A.’s thousands of uninsured motorists.

Sure, at first blush, your admission that you drove without car insurance for more than a year sounds devastating. But how could you truly show empathy for the impoverished without personally experiencing the shame and risk of getting caught breaking a law or two? Besides, you know there are good reasons for not having insurance. Lay a few more of them on us. Do a series of TV commercials and introduce some of your newly claimed down-and-out supporters in segments titled, “I’ve got my excuse, what’s yours?”

And, whatever you do, keep your wife Michelle out of this. You’re right to protect her; of course, by protecting her, you’re protecting yourself. But we don’t want the rabid media hounds going after you for whooping it up at the Democratic Convention in 2004 instead of staying home to take her to the doctor. Let’s not expose any more character flaws.

Rocky, this advice is free. You won’t be receiving any confusing bills at your house. But think about it. Realize that you’re desperate and that your political career is on life support. Even a week ago, you could have dreamed about unseating District Attorney Steve Cooley next year. Now, it’s cause to celebrate if he doesn’t charge you with a crime.

Good luck turning things around. And let me know where I can send a complimentary MTA monthly pass. You can legally share it with your wife.

Yours truly,



  • Ouch! Messy, messy, messy… and, cheesy to boot. The disconnect between Michelle and Paris’s experience is too trite, and too cliche to even deal with. Doctor’s appointment… stolen purse… I don’t know. Sounds a little on the trumped up side, but maybe it’s true. Would it have occurred to her to call a taxi? Or, even a limo service. Something about tangled webs and deception jangles at the back of my brain, but even that’s too fresh for this.

  • This is just too much fun. If Rocky, indeed, didn’t have insurance for 13 mos, how did he register his car? Oh…. it was a city car, not in his name. Gives a whole new meaning to that last phrase.

  • 3 Million Illegal Cars
    Well it is certainly good news to hear that the City Attorney now has auto insurance. With 23% of Los Angeles County drivers uninsured (state is 14.3%), we appreciate every driver that makes that financial commitment instead of forcing the rest of us to pay 30% higher rates to pay for the 1.4 MILLION+ uninsured drivers in LA..

    I suspect that Rocky received one of the 100’s of thousands of notices that the DMV is sending out to drivers without insurance since Oct 1 (when their matching system came online), informing him that his car registration will be suspended and if Rocky is caught with a suspended registration, the police can have his car seized.

    But, with that many un-registered cars, I might as well not bother registering my own car any more, since — well, as we all know — the police can’t possible pull over and seize the 3 million uninsured/unregistered cars, so they won’t even bother trying to enforce the law of the land.

  • I’m enjoying your posts, Alan, but you owe us a defense of Scooter Libby. I’ve not forgotten your promise.

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